San Francisco Times

September 18 2017 11:50:14

Downtown San Francisco was rocked by a huge gas explosion, Saturday night. The catastrophic event instantly levelled a city block in the Mission district, and started fires that rapidly consumed neighboring buildings. The fire department and police force were out in large numbers, but were initially overwhelmed by the size of the calamity. "I've never seen anything like this", one firefighter told this reporter. "I swear it's like a bomb went off here."

The mayor was in the scene shortly after the explosion, to comfort survivors and oversee the relief effort. "This is a dark day in the history of this magnificent city. We grief for those we lost, with their families and their loved ones. Monday will be a day of mourning. But currently, our priority is extracting all survivors from the site, and put out the fires. Very capable professionals are handling the situation. I urge all San Franciscans to not come down to the Mission district until we can guarantee everyone's safety."

Both fire chief McNamara and police chief Spade stated that a gas explosion is the most plausible cause of the calamity at this point. The CEO of Bay Area Utilities, owner of the local gas transportation network, was at time of writing unavailable for comment.

October 15 2016 12:01:18

The SFPD, led by detective Frank Kohanek, performed an investigation of the Church of St. Gregory today, following implications of the institutions involvement in the SF General massacre, last week. Several teams of law enforcement officers were seen entering the building of the Gregorites, earlier today.

Detective Kohanek has this to say: "We have strong evidence that the Church has played a role in the recent atrocities in the city, culminating in the events at General. The SFPD is following up on any lead that can bring us closer to finding those responsible. "

The Church of St. Gregory responds to the allegations through spokesperson Roy Dobbs. "I assure you, we are as dedicated as the police - and the people of San Francisco - to apprehend and punish those behind wicked deeds. The law enforcement officers have our full cooperation during their investigation. If we can in any way expedite the investigation, we will certainly do so. "

After several hours, the police teams left the scene. The results of the investigation have not yet been made public. Kohanek states that it is too early to comment on the findings.

October 08 2016 00:00:00

San Francisco General Hospital was the scene of a brutal terrorist attack tonight. A group of people forced their way into the building, and left a trail of destruction and death as they made their way to down the halls. The hospital states the attack left no survivors in the coma ward. Additionally, the group left a multitude of fatalities and wounded in their wake.
Police on the scene confirms the statements made by the hospital, and states that the situation in the hospital has been neutralized. First responders are on the scene, and are tending to the casualties along with Hospital employees.
Regarding the motive behind this heinous attack, police chief McDaniel stated: “We have not managed to make any arrests yet, but I assure you every resource the SFPD has at its disposal is being tapped to find those responsible, and bring them to justice. “
Rumors state that the group of terrorists is linked to the Church of St. Gregory, indicated by several markings the perpetrators left at the scene. At this point, neither the police nor the hospital wished to comment or speculate on this.

August 23 2016 17:18:30

Several blocks of the Inner Mission District were evacuated last night, as fires that had erupted in nearby condemned blocks threatened to consume more San Franciscan dwellings. The blaze was contained before it could spread further, but the buildings it originated from have been mostly leveled.
Fire chief McLaughlin commented: "Although investigations are ongoing, we do not rule out arson as this point, and we ask anyone who has any leads with regards to this tragedy to report to their local law enforcement. "

The incinerated blocks were condemned and set to be demolished under the new inner city gentrification plans, and were known to house squatters, drug addicts and other less fortunate souls.
Police chief Redding commented on the scene: " We have found dozens of bodies between the rubble, but the search is ongoing. To our horror, we have found evidence of both barring of escape routes, arson, and certain runes spray painted on the doors. We urge anyone with information to come forward. "

The symbols the police chief mentioned bare an uncanny resemblance to the Seal of St. Gregory. On behalf of the congregation, PR-spokesperson Roy Dobbs commented: " We are shocked in the face of these tragic events, and horrified at the use of our Seal at the site of these atrocities. We will work with law enforcement, and local authorities and charities to care for those in need, and work toward healing the deep wounds these events have inflicted upon a peaceful and benevolent community. "

February 12 2016 18:31:30

The religious community stirs with rumor as word spreads of controversial healing ceremonies performed by the Church of St. Gregory. The leading clergymen are said to perform cleansing and purifying rituals, to rid their followers of sin. Incredible tales about these ceremonies have started circulating among the flock, mentioning miraculous results of the proceedings. The San Francisco Times reached out to the Church, and Roy Dobbs – media spokesperson for the congregation – made himself available to answer our questions once again.

Dobbs received our reporter in the New Church of St. Gregory’s, where the organization performs most of its services.

[SFT] “Thank you for taking the time to speak to us, Mr. Dobbs – with the growing number of San Franciscans flocking to your sermons, your time must be precious these days.”

[Dobbs] *laugh* “Why thank you. Indeed, we’re thrilled to seeing more and more San Franciscans see the light though the way of St. Gregory. In fact, we’re still a bit overwhelmed – but when I look out over the flock during our sermons, and see the joy we’re bringing into people’s lives, it just brings a smile to my face. “

[SFT] “Understandable, Mr. Dobbs – you’re really hitting a nerve with the community. Do you think the ‘healing’ services St. Gregory’s has started to perform have been a factor in the continued growth of your members?”

[Dobbs] “ ‘Healing’? Oh I’m afraid you’re misinformed – we don’t perform healing in the literal sense of the word. We believe that every man has his cross to bear, and that it is up to him to indeed bear it. What we do perform, is absolving of sin and purification. We are catholic at heart, as you’ll recall. But yes, I do believe that in this sinful time we find ourselves in, many are looking for salvation and looking to be made clean. “

[SFT] “Rumors of fantastical healing and miraculous recoveries have started circulating among San Franciscan churchgoers. Do you believe these rumors are related to rituals performed by the Church of St. Gregory?”

[Dobbs] “Well, I’m afraid that I can’t comment on that out of personal experience. While we try to provide spiritual support and purification for our flock, I have not seen true miracles being performed in our San Franciscan branch. Of course, miracles are part of our Faith, and I do not deny the possibility of miracles occurring either brought about by our Lord working through our ministers or directly by His Hand, we do not promise or advertise as such among our followers.”

[SFT] “Then where do you think these rumors are coming from?”

[Dobbs] “I really couldn’t say. It’s not uncommon for people to feel so elated by the Faith that they feel a big weight has been lifted from them, that small pains and discomforts have vanished or that old ailments have suddenly rescinded. Again, I do not discount the possibility of miraculous occurrences, but in general I believe these to be the effect of having found spiritual peace.”

[SFT] “Are there perhaps certain ceremonies or parish activities that have drawn a larger crowd, lately? “

[Dobbs] “The Church holds mass following the time table published on our website. These are open to all members of our Church – we’ve had to start registering and listing the members of our flock due to the sheer number of people seeking to attend. But those are our main public sessions. Father Bascoli works hard to touch upon all aspects of the spiritual needs of the San Franciscans, and present a daily varying sermon.”

[SFT] “Does the Church of St. Gregory’s perform ‘private’ sessions and sermons, as far as you know? “

[Dobbs] “I can’t comment on that. What I will say, however, is that we go to great lengths to ensure the spiritual wellbeing of our parishioners.”

[SFT] “So you are not denying that non-mass sermons, or even private healing rites are being carried out by the Church of St. Gregory – rites which might be the source of the ever growing stream of rumors?”

[Dobbs] “Now I feel you’re trying to put words in my mouth, madam. I’ve told you what I can … what I know on this matter.”

[SFT] “Would it be possible to speak with Father Bascoli himself about these rumors, then?”

[Dobbs] “Now, madam, I feel you really are overstepping the bounds of decency. I am the Church’s media spokesperson, which means you’ll have to make do with the answers I give you. Beyond that, I cannot help you.”

[SFT] “My apologies, Mr. Dobbs. Can you at least tell us how Father Bascoli is handling the increased attention and popularity of his Church in San Francisco?”

[Dobbs] *laughs* Apology accepted! I assure you, Father Bascoli is fine – he’s overjoyed with the response he sees to our Message. It’s a lot of hard work, as you might imagine, but I’ve rarely seen him without a smile on his face.”

[SFT] “One of the rumors also states that Father Bascoli is no longer performing the bulk of the masses performed by the Church, yielding the spotlight to some his colleagues in training. Can you comment on this?”

[Dobbs] “I’m sorry, the clerical roster is not something I concern myself with – nor should anyone else. Our Message is what is resonating with the San Franciscans, and it is that Message that is at the core of all our activities.”

[SFT] “Thank you for your time, Mr. Dobbs. “

[Dobbs] “You’re most welcome – any time.”

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